• Emily Garnham

Bust the jargon, cut the corporate speak and get to the point


Baffled by all this new-age business jargon? There's nothing more irksome than business idioms. Actually, there is, business idioms that are incorrectly used. Here's a useful corporate dictionary for the understandably confused.

These guys just love a standing meeting

Secret sauce = the thing that gives your business a competitive advantage that you'd rather keep close to your chest; sounds excitingly venereal to the foul minded

Non-hierarchical = everyone's a potential scapegoat

Collaboration = when the good carry the bad, and everyone gets the credit

Innovation = what we'd better be doing while we're playing ping pong and lounging on beanbags on company time

Standing meetings = because office space in Soho is £70 per square foot

BYOD (bring your own device) = no, your company won't be buying you a £749 iPhone X

Onboarding = someone take the new kid out for a sandwich, for god's sake

Unlimited annual leave = a new-age form of departmental peer pressure

Employee benefits = care about me as much as I do and I might stay longer

Employee engagement = a strategic display of emotional intelligence by the senior management team

Remote working = because sometimes I just want to do my job in a fleece onesie and not be judged

IM (instant messaging) = silent social skills killer

Ideate = If you ever find yourself typing this, just stop right there. Turn the computer off and go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.

Corporate culture = strategic and collective effort to conceal our inner arsehole

Reach out = contact

Cascade = forward

Put a pin in it = that's up there with the worst idea you've ever had

Going forward = another way of saying 'in future' or 'from now on', because the two existing phrases weren't good enough

Wheelhouse = "That's not in my wheelhouse" = "I don't have a bloody clue"

"Well, that's a great question" = something said by Americans before answering every question ever asked

To suggest inclusions to Tartle's corporate jargon dictionary email hello@tartlemedia.co.uk

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