©2017 by Tartle Ltd

Bust the jargon, cut the corporate speak and get to the point

May 1, 2019


Baffled by all this new-age business jargon? There's nothing more irksome than business idioms. Actually, there is, business idioms that are incorrectly used. Here's a useful corporate dictionary for the understandably confused.


These guys just love a standing meeting



Secret sauce = the thing that gives your business a competitive advantage that you'd rather keep close to your chest; sounds excitingly venereal to the foul minded


Non-hierarchical = everyone's a potential scapegoat


Collaboration = when the good carry the bad, and everyone gets the credit


Innovation = what we'd better be doing while we're playing ping pong and lounging on beanbags on company time


Standing meetings = because office space in Soho is £70 per square foot


BYOD (bring your own device) = no, your company won't be buying you a £749 iPhone X


Onboarding = someone take the new kid out for a sandwich, for god's sake


Unlimited annual leave = a new-age form of departmental peer pressure 


Employee benefits = care about me as much as I do and I might stay longer 


Employee engagement = a strategic display of emotional intelligence by the senior management team


Remote working = because sometimes I just want to do my job in a fleece onesie and not be judged


IM (instant messaging) = silent social skills killer 


Ideate = If you ever find yourself typing this, just stop right there. Turn the computer off and go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.


Corporate culture = strategic and collective effort to conceal our inner arsehole 


Reach out = contact 


Cascade = forward 


Put a pin in it = that's up there with the worst idea you've ever had


Going forward = another way of saying 'in future' or 'from now on', because the two existing phrases weren't good enough


Wheelhouse = "That's not in my wheelhouse" = "I don't have a bloody clue"


"Well, that's a great question" = something said by Americans before answering every question ever asked


To suggest inclusions to Tartle's corporate jargon dictionary email hello@tartlemedia.co.uk


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